She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The adults are the big ones right?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
