'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
