I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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