try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
