I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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