Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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