so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
