I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
