I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
