wanna go halves on a baby?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
