'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
