I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
