I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He keeps bees of course he's weird
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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