she looked like the before picture.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
