Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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