A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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