After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
