I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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