I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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