I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
