I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
