literally had 100 drinks last night.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
