He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
