How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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