Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
