did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
