listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
