no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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