M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
