and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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