I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
