Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
