What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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