So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
