we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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