so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
