OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
