a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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