Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
As shirtless as possible
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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