My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
