The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
