I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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