Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
