We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
