I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I will be naked everywhere
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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