how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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