Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
