saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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