birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
