Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm like, not good at living.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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