I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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